Self Reflection

Recently I've been reflecting upon myself, and I think I've made a really big realisation; something that's been present for over a year, but I've never actually acted upon it.

Truth is, I like law in terms of knowledge and as an interest, but I've realised the possible prospect of working in the legal career is not something that I want. My dad has been working with his computer as part of his job as being an OCR examiner, and he often asks for my input and assistance with working with the software and also gaining 'an expert opinion' with regard to the questions that are offered in the ICT papers he marks. The more he asks me to do this the more I realise I have an unrivalled natural talent with computer science that I have been trying to push away in favour of my law degree.

The reality of this is also that I've managed to look at things and have lost sleep over it. I chose law because of the financial aspect; I'll admit I've always been a materialistic person, and being able to afford the finer things in life have always been really important to me. I turned 21 seven days ago, and I've now realised that in reality you should always consider when deciding on your future what you love and not what has the biggest pay cheque... I don't want to work in the legal field, and that is what I've just realised. It's bad timing to realise this, considering in 10 weeks time I'm graduating as an LLB student and will have £27,000 of debt to pay back for my law course.

I now know that my passion always has been, and always will be, with computers and software. I recall when I was about 7 I used to drive my dad insane by modifying system files and mastering his old Dell CRT computer system, and up until college I was constantly advancing in my knowledge of technology. I think multiple factors have hindered my realisation of what my true passion and talent is however; my school always saw me as 'stupid', which was evident by the fact I was put into the bottom set for IT and was learning how to make text bold, which is something I was taught when I was 8 years old!

Whilst studying my law degree I entered the university almost losing my father due to heart failure that was unrecognised by the NHS for over five years. I guess this was a contributing factor to becoming more knowledgeable in the law, I always felt that the NHS should be held liable for the stress and trauma that my family endured at the time, and still endures to this day. On the other hand, this also restricted me from realising my true talent, as I was fixated on this and with all the drama that was happening at home my mind was able to be on a straight path and realise what was logical. I was diagnosed with depression just five months into my first year, and this again hindered me in thinking correctly and making sense of the grand scope of things.

This week I made a big decision, which also sees strides forward with regard to my anxiety. I took the initiative to contact the university career advice service, and here I was understood completely and pushed myself to put my passion for computing across face to face with someone else; not fearing whether they though you were a 'nerd' or you were a 'know-it-all'. The lovely adviser who saw me told me that she could see why I was so frustrated and feeling down recently; that the true fact of the matter was I was studying a degree that I had no intention of specialising in upon graduation. It was here that multiple options were discussed, and that a big decision was made which seems to be less daunting than the alternative.

I will be applying for the Computer Science course with the Open University after this summer, at the cost of £15,000 which I will have to pay out of savings for a house. This is no problem however, as I know that this is something that will result in me moving towards the path of life I wish to enter. A part of the advisor meeting also revealed that someone such as me, with such passion for computing and software development, could be looking at a six figure salary, which would be equal and even surpass what I would be looking to get with becoming a solicitor. 

I will set out to work part time and complete a three year Computer Science degree from later in this year. I know this will remove me from the financial I have currently over my peers, but computing is my passion and I do not wish to let this go.

My advice, for anyone who is considering going to university and is still not certain as to what they want to do, is to consider what your true talent is. I am a true believer that everyone is born with an extraordinary talent, and that they can change the world and make big changes if they follow their passion. Do not make the same mistake I did; that you could make a lot more money by going into a professional career like law, etc. This will not work out in the long run; you will be unhappy and although you may have loads of money, you wouldn't get the same enjoyment from life you would get from doing what you are passionate about.