Anxiety Attacks

Anxiety and depression is ruining my life, and I think if it wasn't for the support I receive and my counsellor id probably be dead. 

I had one of the worst anxiety attacks ever today. I had to do a practical assessment for my Law degree, and because of a cross reference by the judge on my case I became frozen and unable to speak. I was failed on the spot and asked to sit down. I then had a panic attack after leaving the room. I had to see a support worker just to calm me down, and I was unable to drive back home from Derby out of fear that I'd end up crashing my car or purposely injuring myself. It wasn't until an hour after that my breathing was back to normal, but I then found myself completely terrified and uncomfortable just by being in the university. I even said that I wanted to leave and never come back, feeling like it was impossible to recover from this negative experience. 

Thankfully, I have a support plan that grants me a support worker and a counsellor, and thanks to them I was able to go to someone when I was distraught and unstable. I've never failed an exam or assessment in my life, so this was a huge blow to me. However, the support worker told me that with such a difficult subject my social anxiety only makes it worse... I shouldn't blame myself for anything that happened though; I did my best and tried and that's all I could ask of myself. This helped me feel better, and hopefully I'll be fine for my EU exam, which is on Thursday. 

I am determined to succeed in the final parts of this academic year, and not try and let today, which was perhaps one of the worst episodes I've ever had, stop me from achieving my aims and get my degree. Mental health support is so important to someone who suffers as I do, and I think the budget cuts in this area are a huge mistake and could potentially put so many people at risk. It is hard enough when you suffer with anxiety and depression to be understood as it is, because the illness is invisible, but if I didn't have the support I'm offered by the healthcare authority then I have no idea what would have happened to me by now. 

Anyone who suffers like I do, just remember that anxiety and depression can have a serious impact on your life, but don't give up! You'll have your awful days and good days, but the important thing which I've learnt to recognise is that they are usually merely temporary illnesses and at some point in your life you will recover and/or learn to overcome them. I hold on to this because I know that once I am better my life will improve and I can enjoy life to the full. The present is hard right now, but the future is still bright.