Last Wednesday I made an appointment to see my GP over concerns I've been having personally. I've felt so down the last few weeks, and on most days I've had little to no motivation to do anything that used to be important to me. I've found myself feeling alone and disconnected from everything, and it's been really getting to me. I was seen by my university about two weeks ago over these concerns, and should hopefully have a support plan sorted out to relieve some of the pressure and stress I've been feeling, this is when I decided to see a doctor. Unfortunately, as I feared, my doctor diagnosed me with depression and anxiety and I have had to go back on to medication I haven't taken since last year. I feel crushed to know that I was making such great progress not too long ago and yet again I'm at this point where I feel helpless. It makes you so scared, how things can look up and you feel so happy, and then suddenly you feel like you've been hit for no apparent reason with such a negative view...
It's not all bad though, a small handful of friends have been there for me since then, when others aren't so considerate or caring. My best friend, Tasha, in particular has been wonderful! When we speak it genuinely feels that she complete understands how I am feeling right now, and she is so caring and shows generosity in a way that is unfortunately rarely seen in most people. I'm so proud to call her my best friend, and knowing that she is there for me and genuinely cares never fails to put a smile on my face. I love her to absolute bits!
Hannah, another one of my close friends, has also been wonderful. I've felt alone recently and she has constantly made plans with me in attempts to cheer me up and stop me from feeling so negative. Today, after feeling miserable and not up to going into University she invited me to spend the afternoon with her, where we watched movies and had a good talk. It's small things like this and knowing that I actually mean something to some people that gives me the strength to carry on and sit back and realise the world that we live in isn't always as bad as it seems.
The thing I have learnt from this is, although we may associate ourselves with many people in our lives, there will only be a handful of genuine people who truly care enough for you to realise that you're going through your worst and do their absolute best to try and make things better for you when you need it the most.
Despite my anxiety I went to see one of my idols on Monday at the LG Arena in Birmingham. Although crowds and huge social events where I do not know anybody make me feel incredibly uncomfortable and susceptible to panic, I made the journey to Birmingham alone and joined the standing crowd for Beyoncé's Mrs Carter Show World Tour. Despite all of this, I had such an amazing night and it was without a doubt one of the best nights of my life. 
Being in the same room as her just overwhelmed me with joy, and I am honestly beyond happy that I was fortunate enough to be able to see her live. The show she put on was amazing, she used visual videos before some of her performances to give a story and definitely involved the audience. She was also so lovely, telling us all how much she appreciates and loved us as fans, and touching peoples hands who were fortunate enough to be right up close to the stage. It was also someone's birthday, which when Beyoncé became aware she sang Happy Birthday whilst holding his hand, followed by kissing him on the hand before moving on to her next song! It is lovely to see that she makes the extra effort with fans when others would simply get on with a show and then just wrap it up. It genuinely felt like she loved doing what she was doing and loved involving the audience. My respect and love for her is higher than ever, and I am already missing the experience of seeing her live. I really hope that she will have another show sometime in the not too distant future, where I will definitely go and see her again and hopefully take someone with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment