My last week hasn't really involved much if I'm honest, I had university throughout last week, and have simply been working on my studies up until last Friday.
I went for a lovely meal with my family to Frankie & Benny's this Friday. It's always nice going out as a family every so often, even if we are dysfunctional and have a tendency to always argue with each other whenever we spend more than an hour with each other... but we still had a lovely meal. I had my all time favourite of a calzone, which is a folded pizza where all the topping is inside the pizza dough, but the sauce is smothered over the top. Father had the salmon and mozzarella fishcakes, and my mother had the low fat spaghetti bolognese (thinking of her diet of course!). I am still on my diet, having been living off a healthy balanced diet since New Year; sticking to minimal fizzy drinks, eating fish, chicken and red meats at least once a week, and avoiding takeaways and overindulging each month. It's going really well, despite the indulgence I had over the last few days, but it's my birthday so that's fine right? I feel a lot healthier, and my exercises are giving better results now that fatty foods are minimal.
Frankie & Benny's is such a lovely place for a family meal.
On Saturday, I had a few friends round and we ordered Domino's pizza. So, of course, I have overindulged again! We also enjoyed an evening of horror films, watching such films as Saw and Final Destination. It feels so weird to be 20, but I will just lie about my age; I am still a teenager at heart... So yeah, Saturday was my 18th birthday, hehe!
This week I have had the usual stress of trying to get to University on time, the reliable UniBus service, and terrible weather coupled with roadworks and the like... I'm not actually struggling with my course, but getting to university is becoming very stressful, making me concerned over my anxiety issues which I overcame last year. I am becoming worried that my anxiety is increasing yet again, due to the fact that I am starting to feel very panicky whenever I am delayed and I am becoming increasingly worried that I am starting to fall behind, which is upsetting as my course is very important to me.
I also went to an appointment with my bank last week and surrendered my bank cards over concern of overspending, and the fact that I might run out of money if I don't start to budget. So now I am living off about £10 a week, and it seems to be going well so far.
On that note, I have... treated myself... for my birthday. I have a tattoo booked for tomorrow, which will be something like a flower and a bird, and this will occupy the empty area of my half-sleeve.
Left: The empty space. Right: Some ideas to fill this space.
On that note I've realised that I have never actually ever really written about my tattoo and the meaning behind it. To some it may just appear like a collection of things that go well together, however in reality each part has it's own special meaning to me. I'll go into that on another post, because I'm tired right now. However the reason why I am having a bird that resembles a robin or blue tit, this is because these bird symbolise freedom, and also have a deeper meaning of symbolising new beginnings. I have changed myself considerably since 2012. 2013 was the year that I started to act on changing myself and taking control of my life.
In 2013 I worked on both my physical flaws and my mental flaws, I underwent surgery on my nose which totally changed my life, as I had a mild form of Body Dysmorphia Disorder regarding the profile of my nose, which meant that everyday I was fixated on my nose being a flaw and it had destroyed my confidence for many years and played a part with my depression, making me feel constantly unattractive to the point that going outside in itself put me under a great deal of anxiety. I was also on Citalopram 20mg for much of last year, suffering with some severe issues relating to depression. I stopped medication after the summer, and struggled for quite some time before seeing someone in December last year to explore my issues, and since coming out of the care of the psychologist I have had my life completed turned around. Since this year has started I have had very few days where I have felt symptoms or thoughts of depression, and despite the occasional day of feeling low and down I tend to wake up the next day feeling fine.
I've made great progress, and I am determined to make a new start from now on, making sure that I'm happy and that a majority of the things in life that cause me to feel down are no longer there anymore. I will deal with my university and ensure that they take action to make sure that they are more lenient when I am inevitably delayed for lectures, and I will make sure that anybody who thinks they can bring me down are cut out of my life in an instance. I have some really wonderful friends, and I know some absolutely amazing people, they are all I need in my life and I couldn't ask for any better people in my life.
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